"The end of a matter is better than its beginning." -- Unknown
No matter how wonderful or kind your husband is, it is only a matter of time before a serious fight erupts. When the smoke clears, it's frustrating to recognize that the conflict might not have been productive or necessary. Though it might prove difficult at first, there are several steps you can take -- in the middle of the fight -- to mitigate the damage and prevent the argument from getting out of hand.
1Pause. Force yourself to push all the air out of your lungs. Do this several times, and close your eyes if necessary. This will relax you and it will be easier for you to take the next steps to diffuse the situation.
2Have a seat, and calmly invite your husband to sit down with you. This will give you even more of an opportunity to simmer down, and also lets him know that you think that the issue at hand, as well as his feelings about it, are both important to you.
3Keep all anger and annoyance out of your voice. Avoid sarcasm as well. Speak in calm and measured tones.
4Determine exactly what you're arguing about. Often conflicts aren't really about unwashed dishes or forgotten chores, but about feeling unappreciated, ignored, or perhaps something else altogether. Whatever those feelings are, ensuring that you both agree on what you're really arguing about can help address the cause of the problem, instead of just fighting its effects.
5Determine what your husband is thinking. You might assume that your husband doesn't care about your feelings, for example, and that might lead you to lash out even harder at him; but remember that this anger is based on assumption, not fact. Your husband may have been thinking something completely different. Before you jump to conclusions, give him the benefit of the doubt. Making an honest effort to discover what he really thinks -- without attacking or judging him -- shows that you respect him, and will help to calm him down as well.
- If you're too fired-up to stop and exhale, walk away and cool off until you are ready to revisit it calmly.Sometimes your assumptions about your husband's thoughts will be correct, which you will probably find infuriating. Nevertheless, resist the urge to attack him or say, "I knew it!" Instead, continue to remain calm and focus on finding concrete solutions.